How to choose the right therapist: my top 10

 Choosing the right therapist is a crucial step toward achieving mental and emotional well-being. The process can feel daunting, and very often we can give up before even starting, but knowing what to look for can make it easier. Here are some key factors that I share from my own journey to consider when selecting a therapist, though at the end follow your own gut instincts because there is no one that knows better than you what is best for you at that point of your journey.

1. They Have Done the Work Themselves

A good therapist should have embarked on their own journey of personal growth and self-awareness. I find this factor very important to consider as this allows them to better understand their own needs first, why they are therapists in the first place, is this coming from a space of feeding their own ego, being valued and recognized or do they genuinely have what to contribute with their knowledge. You might want to inquire about their background and how it informs their practice.

2. Open-Minded and Non-Judgmental

Your therapist should create a safe and accepting environment where you can express your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. They should be open-minded, embracing diverse perspectives and experiences to tailor their approach to your unique needs. A culturally aware therapist is always a plus for me as well as one that has a more holistic approach and treats each experience with respect, does not label it as bad and good but rather understands that each experience serves its own purpose.

3. Committed to Continuous Learning

The field of mental health is always evolving, and effective therapists should constantly update their skills and knowledge. Look for someone who actively pursues new tools and techniques to enhance their practice. A therapist with a toolbox of techniques is always a plus, providing that they do not make “soup” out of them. 

4. They Avoid Making Promises

Therapy is a personal and often unpredictable journey. A reliable therapist will avoid making definitive promises about outcomes. Instead, they should work collaboratively with you to set realistic goals and adapt their methods to how you respond over time. If a therapist promises that they can “heal” you this automatically puts all the responsibilities on their shoulders but also takes away from you your confidence and perhaps even forms a belief that something outside of you can “save” you while we have all these resources inside.

5. Tailors Techniques to Individual Needs

One-size-fits-all solutions rarely work in therapy. A skilled therapist understands how to apply different techniques based on each client's specific circumstances and is not afraid to think outside the box. That being said, therapy can not be done by a book, yes a plan of therapy or a course of therapy might be required sometimes but this rarely works in my own practice.

6. Open to Feedback

Constructive feedback is vital for growth. Your therapist should welcome your input on how the therapy is progressing and make adjustments as necessary. This openness signifies their commitment to your journey as well as the fact that they have done their own work. A defensive therapist and “I know it all” is someone who is still on their own journey.

7. Observant and present 

A must quality! Sometimes, a word said might be the key answer to the therapy if, at this moment, the therapist is not present to it. The therapy might go on in circles for years without any resolution. 

8. Recognizes Their Boundaries

Professional boundaries are essential. A competent therapist acknowledges their expertise limits and will refer you to other specialists if your specific needs fall outside their scope. Considering these qualities can help you find a therapist who not only meets your needs but also supports your path to healing. Remember, finding the right therapist might take time, and it’s perfectly okay to explore a few options before making your decision.

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9 Ethics and Values

A therapist’s adherence to strong ethics and values is foundational to professional integrity and client trust. Confidentiality is a cornerstone of therapeutic ethics, maintaining client confidentiality is essential. It ensures that clients feel safe to disclose personal information, knowing it will not be shared without their consent. 

10 Authenticity

This may be one of my most important ones. Authenticity in a therapist refers to their ability to be genuine and true to themselves while working with clients. This quality is crucial for building trust and fostering a therapeutic alliance. For me, authenticity matters as it manifests in therapy with genuine presence reactions rather than a façade. This genuine presence helps clients feel seen and understood, which is vital for effective therapy. They share relevant aspects of their own experiences but do not overshare, which can humanize the therapeutic process and create a mutual bond of understanding. Fundamental for trust, when therapists are true to who they are, clients are more likely to trust them, which enhances the therapeutic relationship and the client’s willingness to engage in the therapy. And by their authenticity, they daily heal as well so it is a win-win situation.

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